His heart was beating loudly in his ears as he kept staring at the blurry image of himself in the mirror.
He hated it.
Will’s fingertips were digging into his flesh on his abdomen, and he couldn’t stop the pressure they were applying. His breakfast was waiting for him on the counter; the avocado toast the nutritionist told him to have on Thursdays. He hadn’t eaten yet, but he felt like throwing up.
He was fat.
Over the past four months of taking pills to give him an appetite and shoving three full meals and all the in-between into his mouth, today he realized he’d become fat.
When he put on his suit pants and the button-up today, the fabric clung to him instead of having space left. He hated it. He hated it so much that it welled up his eyes in an instant as he ran to the mirror in the living room to look at himself.
…
How had he not noticed?
How had he let this happen?
He was fucking fat now, again, and everyone would start treating him differently once more.
Wiping his tears with anger, he walked back to his bedroom with heavy feet, trying on the looser things he had. Some were still oversized on him, but not as much as before. He tried on every damn thing in his closet, but they all confirmed one thing: He was fucking fat now.
By the time he was about to be done with his wardrobe, he was sobbing hysterically. How the fuck was he supposed to lose all of this weight now? He didn’t want to leave the house looking like this. He didn’t want anyone to see him with his clothes stuck to his body. He didn’t want Theo and Joe to see him naked when he was so overweight.
He hated himself.
He hated himself.
He fucking hated himself and his body.
Even his face was fat now.
He couldn’t look at himself anymore. He despised the image.
He hated it.
He hated it.
He-…
When he came back to it, the mirror was shattered along with the statue that a few moments ago was on the coffee table. Will had no recollection of picking the statue up or throwing it at the mirror, but it was for the best. He didn’t want to see how hideous he looked anymore.
Blinking started to hurt, and he felt hot liquid sliding down his face as well. Dragging himself to the bathroom, he saw a piece that had probably flown due to the shattering, had cut his cheek. There was nothing in his eye, but it still hurt a lot anyway.
He didn’t care.
Washing the blood away, he tore everything off himself as he texted Joe that he was sick and wasn’t going to work before he lay there lifelessly. His breakfast was still waiting there on the counter, and the thought pissed him off for some reason. Stomping his way to the kitchen, he smashed the plate into the sink, breaking it too as the toast came apart. The next step was dumping the pills down the toilet and flushing them all away. He wasn’t going to eat. Not until all of this pathetic fat was off him.
***
Theo sighed, tapping on his phone for the hundredth time. There were no messages from William. “Did he say why he was sick?” He asked Joe.
“Babe, I already showed you his message. He just said he’s sick and can’t come to work for a few days.” Joe frowned, joining him in the sigh fest, as he leaned back into the chair. “Did we do something wrong?”
“What do you mean?” He asked.
“He was completely fine until last night when I dropped him off. There’s no way he could’ve gotten so sick over the night that he can’t come to work for ‘a few’ days.”
“You think he’s lying? But why?” Theo looked at his phone, rummaging his brain to see if they indeed had done something wrong. “Maybe he didn’t like our date?”
“He’s not childish enough to sulk over something like that. And his eyes were practically sparkling the whole time, so that can’t be it.”
“Maybe he just wants a few days to himself, then? I’ve noticed he needs his solitude sometimes.”
“Yeah, but it’s William. He would never interrupt his work because of that.”
Theo hummed. “Yeah, but he also never worked with his boyfriends before, so he has no choice but to do it if he wants space.”
They sighed in unison.
“Let’s just check up on him in text and give him a few days.”
And like that, a week passed.
On the morning of the 8th day, they both woke up with a weird mood. Looking at each other while they were still lying in bed, they both knew they had to go check on their boy because something just wasn’t right.
Twenty minutes later, they were at William’s door. They kept on knocking, but no one answered. They called his phone so many times until he picked up, but the voice they heard sounded nothing like the boy they knew. William’s voice was barely making it out of his mouth and was extremely hoarse.
“We’re here. Come open the door.” Joe said, his eyes on Theo in absolute worry as though asking him what the fuck was going on wordlessly.
They knew the code in. But they preferred not to barge in unless they really had to. William took a few silent seconds to say a hardly heard ‘okay’ before hanging up.
It took a couple of minutes before the door opened just slightly, and they saw only one eye.
“Why… are you here?”
Joe’s eyes narrowed immediately, and Theo was just staring, trying to analyze the situation.
“Do you have anyone with you inside?” Joe asked.
“Joe!” Theo nudged him, annoyed.
“I don’t. It’s just me.” William replied, not really looking at them. In all honesty, it was really suspicious.
“Then why are you hiding behind that door? What’s happening with you, William?” Worry was seeping out of Joe’s tone.
“Nothing. I just haven’t showered in two days, and I don’t want you to see me like this. I’ll… go back to work by the end of next week. I’m sorry.” William sounded like he was about to pass out.
Was he really that sick?!
“Next week?!” Theo asked, shocked. “If you’re so sick that you need rest for two weeks, then you should be at the hospital. Not alone at home. We thought you wanted some time to yourself, which clearly was not the right assumption. Go shower. We’re taking you to a doctor.” He made sure he sounded firm.
“I’m fine.” William replied quickly. “I just need to rest a bit more. This won’t happen again. I promise.”
“How can you guarantee not getting sick again? People get sick. Unless it’s something else.” Joe said, sounding calm, but Theo knew better. He was probably boiling on the inside now.
“Please. I want to be alone right now. I’ll go back to work soon.” William continued to talk without looking at them before attempting to close the door.
With his fully composed and calm demeanor, Joe looked at him silently and let him close the door. Theo was too much in his head, trying to find an explanation that he didn’t have time to stop it.
Joe let it close. He waited for a minute and then put the passcode in and opened the door widely. The calm of his expression, however, faded away as soon as he walked in and saw the pieces of the shattered mirror and the clothes that were scattered everywhere.
William was in the hallway that led to his bedroom, standing there with wide, terrified eyes. It seemed he didn’t care about the state of his apartment, but his appearance, if the way he tried to hide and make himself small indicated anything.
“Explain this.” Joe more or less ordered.
“I-I…” William’s tears started falling as his eyes darted everywhere in search of an answer. “I…” His chest was rising and falling fast. “I don’t want you to see me right now.”
“And why is that?” Joe beat him to it. Which was for the best, because with how frustrated, even angry, Theo was, his tone wouldn’t have been as contained as Joe’s.
“I’m…” William bit his lip hard. The tears were still falling. “I look bad.”
“You look perfect. You only need to shower. Otherwise, you look as perfect as ever.” Joe said and waited for a moment. “So tell us what this is really about.”
A broken sob made all the anger vanish as William’s skin turned much Paler. “Can’t you just leave?” He cried helplessly.
Theo was looking past his anger now. He noticed William was holding himself up with the help of the wall. He was deadly Pale, even his lips, and he was slightly shaking. And… he was thin. Way too thin.
The boy’s breakdown made them stand there in shock for long seconds. Sharing a look, they started to walk forward when William’s eyes widened in terror.
“No!” He raised both hands. It stopped them right in their track.
Joe wanted to walk forward anyway, but Theo wrapped a hand around his wrist, stopping him. “Okay. Go take a shower. We’ll clean… all of this while we wait.” He said with a smile that he forced himself to have. He was dying of worry on the inside.
“But,” William tried to argue.
“No buts, we’re not leaving.” Joe deadpanned, his tone showing his worry and frustration now. It only took the people he really cared about deeply to take away his calmness.
William turned for his bedroom, and they thought all was going to be fine when, after a minute, they heard a loud thump and then there was absolute silence. They were running to the bedroom before they knew it. Their world was crushed when they saw their boy on the floor, unconscious and terrifyingly pale.
Kneeling on each side of William, Theo pulled him up as Joe checked his heart rate and breathing.
“What the fuck is happening to him?” Joe sounded terrified, as someone traumatized like him would. However, he pulled himself together quickly, calling for an ambulance right away. Then, Joe spread a blanket on the floor, taking William from him and wrapping the boy in it, keeping his cold body from getting any colder. He then took him to the living room, putting him on the floor there before running back to the bedroom and taking the boy’s phone, some pairs of underwear, and a pair of sweatpants, along with a t-shirt, and throwing them all in a bag for later. Witnessing this, how Joe was drowned by fear but was still taking care of everything rapidly was strange. He must’ve done this every time it was Theo on the floor as well.
“What should I do?” He asked, filled with shame and guilt.
“Nothing, my love. I’ll take care of everything. You just stay by his side and hold him until they arrive.”
Theo did just that. Joe went to the kitchen, saying he should bring William’s pills, but then he froze in front of the sink for some reason.
“…What?” He asked.
Joe’s exhale was shaky as he looked up at the ceiling to keep it together. “There’s a moldy toast here. Babe, what if… he’s been starving himself this whole time?”
With wide eyes, Theo looked down at the unconscious boy in his arms. Pressing the small head to his chest tighter, he swallowed his tears. “What the fuck is taking them so long?”
“They’ll be here shortly. It usually takes about 9 minutes.”
Right about then, the paramedics rushed in. Joe had left the door wide open for them. They took William from Theo, told them to step back as they unwrapped the blanket and took his vitals. They said he was having dangerously low blood pressure and had to take him to the hospital immediately. Theo wanted to go with them too, but he told Joe to go with the ambulance because, between the two of them, Joe was panicking a lot more due to past experiences.
Half an hour after the IV was attached to him, William’s beautiful skin tone started to show up again. The doctor told them he was extremely malnourished, and his symptoms showed he hadn’t been eating at all for days now.
“It would be good for him to be hospitalized for a while for his eating disorder to be treated and monitored professionally.” The doctor said.
“He was doing fine. He was taking pills for his appetite, and he was even looking healthier this past month. We don’t know what happened…” Theo said, feeling more helpless facing William’s ED than he ever felt against his own monsters.
“It could be just that. The fact that he looked ‘healthier’ to you might’ve triggered him. It happens a lot with ED cases. They gain a bit of weight, and they break down. I strongly suggest hospitalization since I’d hate for the next breakdown to lead to something final.”
“William is not suicidal.” Joe clarified.
“You’d be shocked to know the youth we’ve lost to starvation. Not all of them take matters into their own hand. They sometimes fade away in their attempt to ‘look skinny’.” The doctor looked sad, saying that. “Anyway, we’ll discuss it with him once he’s awake. The decision is his, after all.”
They sat quietly, looking at the boy for a while.
“How did we not notice it? He was with us every day.” Theo said, tears in his eyes as he caressed the stray hair out of the beautiful face.
“There’s never an alert for situations like this. Do you think every time you did something, there were signs beforehand? It just happens in a moment.” Joe smiled at him before looking back at William.
***
His left eye hurt when he opened his eyes. But the pain flew to the back of his mind when he saw Theo. Theo, with his buzz cut, all the tattoos and muscles, and the slit in his eyebrow that made him more ‘intimidating’, had never looked more vulnerable. The older’s eyes were shimmering with tears, and his bottom lip had teeth marks carved into it.
“Baby, how are you feeling?” The gorgeous voice asked as a warm palm cupped the side of his face carefully.
“I’m sorry.” He said, feeling like crying himself when he put 2 and 2 together. He must’ve fainted and scared the shit out of them.
“You have nothing to apologize for. It was our fault for not noticing your pain.” The older said.
When Will’s eyes scanned the room, Theo was fast to reassure him. “Joe left to pick Daisy up. He’ll be here soon.” There was a pause. “I’ll tell the doctor you’re awake. Stay right here for me, okay?”
The question was a bit silly, but he understood that nerves must be making the man say it. Nodding with a smile, he blinked and noticed the pain again.
When the doctor came, he had an uncomfortable discussion about his condition with him. He was told it could only go down if he weren’t to be treated. He was handed some pamphlets for ED centers that had shown good results. He didn’t want to make Theo more concerned, but he knew he had to mention the pain in his eye.
“You’re very lucky it’s not badly infected.”
Turned out, he’d had a splinter in his eye this whole time…
“It’s only scratched the surface of the cornea, so now that I’ve removed it, it should be good in a few days. Be careful, or you might not be so lucky the next time.”
He only noticed once the doctor was leaving that Joe had arrived.
“No more mirrors for you.” The man said with a frown, knowing full well it was impossible. He sighed, walking to William, bending down, and hugging his head gently next to his own. “You scared the hell out of me.”
“The doctor said he should be fine as long as he eats and takes the pills. He also said we need to give him soup for the first couple of days since his stomach hasn’t digested anything for the last week.”
“Alright. I’ll let Elizabeth know.” Joe then turned to him. “Does your eye hurt a lot?” The gentle hand brushed the hair away from his forehead.
“Not that much.” He mumbled because, honestly, he was extremely ashamed of himself and this entire situation.
“The thought of a shard hurting your eye severely is turning my stomach.” The big man that Joe was shuddered in pain as those worried eyes never left him.
William looked down at his hands. “I’m sorry…” He mumbled again.
“Stop apologizing.” Theo shook his head with pursed lips.
Perhaps Joe felt the frustration of all of them as he cleared his throat. “I’ll call Elizabeth and be right back.” He kissed his forehead first before kissing the top of Theo’s head as he left the room.
Two hours later, Elizabeth walked into the hospital room. Will’s eyes widened with shock (and lots of added shame) as he watched the elderly woman walk straight to him, forsaking the CEOs’ presence altogether. The bag she had with her was abandoned on top of Theo’s lap, who was sitting by the bed chatting with him until then.
“My sweet boy,” Elizabeth cupped the side of his face warmly with her wrinkly hand, her blue eyes that always looked teary due to age looking at her with sorrow. “How are you feeling?”
“Much better. Thank you, Elizabeth. You didn’t have to come all the way here.” He bit on the inside of his cheek.
“Of course I had to come visit you! I made you a watery soup for now, but I will gradually add more ingredients.” She unpacked the bag and explained which ones were the CEOs’ food and the ones that were meant for Will. “I’ll drop Daisy’s dinner on my way back. Is anyone home with her right now?”
“Yeah, I asked her babysitter and she’s going to her mom’s tomorrow.” Joe smiled, thanking Elizabeth as the lady left, saying she didn’t want to pressure him by staying too long. Elizabeth felt like the grandmother he never had.
“Alright, time to eat.” Theo exclaimed, smiling at him as he removed the lid and put the container in front of him. Putting a spoon in his hand, the husbands looked at him attentively, waiting for him to eat.
Will was staring at the container. He was hungry, but he had programmed his brain to actually cherish the feeling of hunger because it meant he was ‘burning fat’ when he didn’t eat despite it. He knew it was fucked up, but that had been one of the things that had gotten him to stop overeating way back then.
Two more seconds of staring, and he gagged, looking away.
“I can’t.” He pushed the container away, getting ready to go to the bathroom in case he felt anything travel up. The feeling got more intense, and he stood up, getting closer to the bathroom, but the bile went down, probably because there was absolutely nothing in his stomach to come up anyway. It didn’t mean he wasn’t shaking badly and freezing due to the drop in his blood pressure again, though.
Theo was fast at scooping him up in his arms, taking him to the couch, and sitting down, holding Will sideways against himself. Joe brought the blanket and draped it over him before pulling Will’s legs high enough to be able to sit, and then he started massaging his sock-clad feet that were now on top of the man’s lap.
A few minutes passed in silence before his body stopped shaking.
“…You have to eat, love.” Joe said with much agony in his voice.
“I know. I want to, but-” His voice cracked, and tears were falling for no reason at all out of the blue. Before he knew it, he was sobbing desperately against Theo. “I want to be normal. I want to eat without feeling like every bite will give me 3 kilos. I want to enjoy snacks with Daisy and have a full meal with you. But I don’t know why I can’t! This time I really tried! I swear I did! But I looked in the mirror and I was so fat and I couldn’t walk outside the door looking like that! I know it’s wrong. I know I’m not okay, but I don’t know what else to do about it.” He was stuttering now as he talked in between his sobs. They were coming right out of his chest; loud, desperate, and strong.
Theo’s hand pushed his head into his neck, his other arm holding him even tighter against himself as he started rocking both of them gently while he peppered his head with kisses. Joe’s arms were still against his legs, and both of them stayed silent and let him cry his heart out. He was so very thankful for that. More than they could give themselves credit for.
He didn’t know how long he had been crying before it turned to silent tears that were still escaping his eyes and the endless sniffles. Joe got off the couch, and Will’s heart dropped to his stomach, thinking the man might’ve had enough of him. But in a few seconds, he was right back by his side with a lot of tissues and a glass of water. Theo held him protectively as Joe crouched down, tapping on his face to get the wetness away and helping him drink the water since he had barely any energy left in his hands to hold the glass.
“What do you think about exercising, William? Is there any exercise you like to do? If you eat well while exercising, you won’t gain excessive weight. A bit of fat is needed on every body to protect the bones and give energy for the daily tasks so you can’t expect yourself to have 0 fat percentage. But if you want to stay lean, you can always do exercises for that purpose while having a healthy diet.” Theo talked carefully while caressing his hair as though he was scared his words would trigger another melt down.
“But I don’t have the energy for exercising. I’ve tried it many times before.” He let his head fall against the man’s shoulder again. Joe was holding his hand, playing with his fingers. He was still crouching next to them and never looking away.
“That’s because you didn’t eat enough calories to have the energy for exercising. With my mass of body, I tried to do cardio on an empty stomach one morning, and I was about to pass out.” Theo replied.
The thought of the great Theo doing cardio was so funny in his head that he chuckled. It made the men lose a bit of tension, too, as they smiled and started caressing more of his body parts soothingly.
“I like Tennis. And I like Pilates based on the videos MeTube keeps suggesting to me.”
“Oh, Joe is great at tennis! He can teach you, and you two can go from there!” Theo smiled, guiding his face up with a hand under his chin, pecking his lips.
“We can play tennis while you’re kicking people’s ass in the boxing ring, and Daisy is at her ballet class 3 nights per week. Sounds like a great plan to me.” Joe smiled too, ruffling his hair and squeezing Theo’s shoulder as he stood up. “I’m definitely getting old. Ow.” He exaggerated the knee pain when he started to walk after having crouched down for long minutes. Will felt bad, but it was also funny.
“Now, having figured all of that out, get yourself ready to eat because Elizabeth keeps messaging me asking if you’ve eaten yet, and she will personally shove it down your throat if I tell her no one more time.” Joe took the container and the spoon to the couch.
“Hey, if you eat even half of this, I will give you a blowjob right after.” Theo winked at him playfully.
“Promise?” He teased.
“Pinky promise.” Theo nodded, scrunching his nose.
It was still one hell of a struggle to eat one spoon after another, but Elizabeth had made it really watery even though it was obvious the woman had tried to fool him with blending the ingredients so well that it felt like he was only drinking warm water and some broccoli. He ate more than half because the 2 men deserved to be a little bit reassured after everything, but sadly, he never got his reward since the nurse came back to attach him to another IV and give him pills that put him to sleep not long after. Or maybe he was just too tired and it hadn’t been the pills’ fault.
The next morning, he was discharged. The doctor strongly advised that he should reconsider being checked in to get proper treatment once and for all. He said he will think about it.
“You’ll be living with us now. We will rent your apartment because I don’t want you to have a backup place you can escape to. You can have the entire third floor to yourself, but I’m not having you live alone anymore.” Joe stated without room to argue. “We’ll go there for a moment for you to pack whatever you might need today, and tomorrow I will have some people over to pack everything and bring them over to ours.”
Will’s eyes were wide with the sudden change of events. He looked at Theo’s back of head from the backseat, but the man who always told Joe not to pressure Will was silent, which meant this time he agreed with the other. He didn’t object. Maybe it was for the best.
***
Joe had told him beforehand that he was not letting William out of their sight, and he had agreed. When they got to the boy’s apartment, everything was clean. No clothes on the floor, no shards, and in fact, the mirror was gone altogether.
“When…?” Theo asked, just as shocked as the younger.
“I popped by during the night to clean it up.” Joe shrugged nonchalantly as he walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge. “There’s not much in here that can go bad until tomorrow, so we won’t take them today.” He then grabbed William’s wrist and took him to the bedroom, asking what the boy needed for the day.
Looking at his husband, Theo was just… so… overwhelmed with emotion. Joe had come here in the middle of the night while the two slept to clean the apartment because he knew it would probably trigger William again if he were to see the scene. He was then reminded of every time he had a failed attempt, and he always came back to everything clean and without a trace of what had gone down. Joe… his Joe had been doing this every time, and he never noticed. Until now.
“Babe, you good?” Joe asked, having come to a stop while passing by him.
“Yeah.” He smiled, nodding.
Joe smiled back and turned to go back to the bedroom with the bag he had taken from the kitchen. Theo grabbed his arm before he could. The green eyes landed on him as his handsome man turned his head toward him again, raising an eyebrow in question.
“I love you.” He said, unable to keep it caged between his teeth for later.
Joe frowned slightly, confused about the sudden confession. “I love you too, baby. You sure you’re good?”
“Mhm.” Theo nodded, kissing the full lips once before pushing him toward the bedroom. “Let’s go pack.”
He loved Joe more now. If that was even humanly possible.
